Princess Di: A Festering Pustule

Why is it that only Bill Maher and Christopher Hitchens seem to be aware of the horror that is the “Princess Di” and its truly tragic death? And I fully mean to refer to PD as an “it,” because it was more than a person – it was, and is, a phenomenon – larger than its life. And I also fully mean that its death was “tragic” – not because of any sadness I might have for its passing [and I imagine you can discern that I have no such feelings] but for the fact that its death had the wholly regrettable consequence of reinvigorating that antiquated abomination, the British monarchy.

There was a good reason why we fought the Revolutionary War – to get rid of the British Monarchy’s rule over the Colonies. It worked! We were rid of them. This is not to say that we immediately set about doing things a lot better. There was, after all, that little, nagging problem of slavery that we kept in place in 1789, when we created that otherwise magnificent document, The Constitution. We had to wait until 1865 finally to come to our senses and outlaw it. The Brits were ahead of us on this. They outlawed it in 1833. But – a little know fact – both the Brits and the Americans outlawed the international slave trade in 1807! Not the practice of slavery itself, mind you, but the importation of slaves was outlawed. This is kind of like decriminalizing the use of marijuana, but keeping its sale illegal! Can you spell “hypocrisy”?!!

So while we got it right in some ways...we bombed in others. The same for the Brits – they got it right sooner than we did about slavery...but not with their caste system.

Moving up to the 20th and 21st centuries, it seemed like, finally, the Brits were tiring of the House of Windsor – the latest incarnation of inbred Euro-trash. Before the phenomenon of PD, only about 14% of Brits supported the continuation of their “peculiar institution.” Yes, I use this term, fully conscious of its American roots. [Ok, ok, ok....I made up this figure....but I bet it’s not that far off!!] After PD, and its death, the percentage of support rose dramatically!! Hence, its death truly was tragic. Were it still alive and “Euro-trashing” about, maybe people would have seen it for what it was: just another rich bitch like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. [Egad....does that “brit” in the latter name mean anything??]

Oh sure, it was opposed to land mines still killing people all over the world, and it supported various organizations dedicated to removing them. But, I’d like to see a show of hands of all those in favor of keeping the land mines where they are, still killing and maiming innocent people. What? No one? No one at all???! What a surprise! Maybe it was opposed to child abuse too??

But it was pretty, right? That’s reason enough to mourn its loss! Damn...you know, I think there may be something to this!! What if PD just happened to have looked more like Camilla Parker-Bowles, Madeleine Albright or even more like Prince Charles himself!? My guess – no PD phenomenon! And the percentage of “royalists” would have continued to drop. This alleged “prettiness” it seems, ironically enough, is actually closer to a festering pustule on the ass of civilization and humanity.

It’s time to lance it – forever!